Planning to {UN}hurry

On Tuesday I joined 69 other bloggers in declaring my {UN}word for 2014, {UN}hurry.  I talked about how slowing down and making time and space for my family to journey through our days was going to require a shift in thinking.  For me, that also includes a shift in planning.  I need to plan my days substantially better, so that I can focus on what absolutely must get done each day and, hopefully, free up larger chunks of free time for my family.

Enter Whitney English's head-over-heels-gorgeous Day Designer.



I've had my eye on this planner since 2012.  And I didn't spring for it in 2013.  As 2014 approached I found myself going back and forth, adding it to my Etsy cart, and then taking it out again.  I knew I desperately needed to get organized, but it's not an inexpensive planner, and I tend to have a hard time splurging on things for myself.  In the end, it was my husband who surprised me and bought the planner.



It came beautifully packaged.  I think I squealed a little when I opened it.



I loved all the thoughtful details Whitney put into designing this planner.  And the planner itself does not disappoint.  It is, by far, the most well laid out planner I've ever used.  Each day gets its very own page, which is hard to find in a planner.  In the past, I've used a plain spiral notebook as a planner for this reason alone.  But a spiral notebook isn't indexed, doesn't have calendars, and well...it's just not as pretty.

In the end, it's up to me to plan, no matter how pretty the planner.  But I'm a visual person, and the appeal of using something so beautiful to plan my days seems to have tricked me into becoming better organized.

What about you?  Do you have a favorite planner?  Any tips for getting organized or planning out your days?

{UN}hurried. My {UN} Word for 2014.

It's become popular over the past few years to choose a "word" for the year, either in place of or in addition to new year's resolutions.  I've enjoyed reading about other people's words, but I've never focused on a particular word for the year.

When Edie and The Nester announced they had picked {UN} words for the year and invited everyone else to join in, I had no idea what in the world my word would be.  Words like "untired" and "undistracted" popped into my head over and over.  But I knew they weren't quite right.  Yes, it would be lovely to not be tired all the time, but with a 9 month old and a 3 year old that's not really feasible.  And to not be distracted would be fabulous, but with two tiny ones my attention is always divided, at the very least between the two of them.  Distracted is sort of my natural state during this season of life.

But {UN}distracted came close.  It hit a nerve with me because I feel like so much of the last year and a half I have been here physically, but when I try to think back I feel like I've missed it somehow.  Almost as if I have some sort of amnesia for the last year of my life.

I went to the library this morning and the Kiddo asked to come with.  I was about to say no, and my husband was backing me up, offering other fun things to do while I got out of the house.  But I said yes.

I had a huge stack of books to return and he enjoyed dropping them in the return drop.  Then I let him help me find my book on the hold shelf, and help me check it out using self-checkout.  When I said it was time to go he asked if he could get books for himself.

Again, I almost said no.  But I thought, eh...why not?  So we wandered over to the kids' section and he picked out 4 books to go with his stack of books we already have checked out at home.  I told him it was time to go checkout and he spotted the table with crayons and pictures to color.

You get where this is going, right?

I almost said no...then I said yes.  I realized there really was no hurry and we had an opportunity to spend time together doing something he wanted to do.  We colored for a bit.  He talked to two little girls that were also coloring, asking them their names.  Then he decided he was ready to go.  We walked to the front and he checked out his books.  He held my hand and walked to the car like a big boy.  He was well-behaved overall.  It was relatively painless.  I have a sneaking suspicion it's because I gave him the time and space to explore his surroundings.  I didn't rush him, even when I was tempted to get in and get out.  We added an extra 10 or 15 minutes to my errand, but in that time we created a memory together which we wouldn't have otherwise.

{UN}hurried.  A life {UN}hurried.  That is what I want.

I can already tell it's going to take a huge shift in the way I think and act.  I've always valued efficiency...doing a job as quickly and perfectly as possible.  I walk fast (and I drive fast).  I type fast.  I race myself to clean my house as quickly as possible.  But in life, maybe faster isn't always better?  Maybe the good comes in the journey between the bullet points of our days?

A life {UN}hurried.  Can you imagine the possibilities?

Do you have a word you want to ditch in 2014?  Please share in the comments.  :)

I'm linking up today over at Life In Grace...be sure to visit and read what {UN}word others have chosen for this year!

A Mama's Signature Scent

Slowly but surely, things are calming down.  Actually I'm not sure how calm things really are, but we are starting to fall into some sort of a routine.

I've been thinking a lot about motherhood lately.  Noticing more and more how my mannerisms reflect those of my mother...how her mannerisms reflect her mother.  Realizing this little girl I cherish so much will one day reflect me and my mannerisms.  And knowing that my son already does.

When I think of my childhood memories of my mom and grandmother, I always remember how good they smelled.  Always the same - and there was great comfort in that.  My mom will forever smell like Jergens lotion in my mind.  Granny smelled of Vaseline Intensive Care lotion and gardenias.  When I came home from the hospital last month, my mother-in-law left a bottle of Vaseline Intensive Care lotion in my bathroom.  I immediately slathered some on my hands (parabens be damned) so that I could smell my Granny, and I almost burst into tears as I breathed in deep the familiar scent.

I wonder what smell my children will remember me by?

I have had a love affair with Chanel Coco Mademoiselle for over a decade now.  I was first introduced to it by my friend's mother - it was her favorite perfume and I loved how it lingered in the air.  I hoarded samples of this perfume and used them sparingly as a 20 year old on a college student budget.  Eventually I bought myself my first bottle one spring break.  It was the first non-essential, non-emergency item I ever put on a credit card.  But I would wager that bottle of perfume spared me many wasteful expenditures in the long term.

You see, I would spray an indulgent spritz of perfume on my way out the door to go shopping.  Since there weren't many things to do in Waco, browsing at the mall quickly became my favorite way to pass time and I inevitably always spent money.  Even if it was just $5 or $10, small amounts add up quickly.  But scents can be a mood changer, and when I wore Coco Mademoiselle, I felt rich - like I already had everything in the world I could possibly need.  Sales no longer held their sway, and I would happily browse any store and leave without spending a dime.

Many things have changed since my college days.  I still think scent can have a strong effect on your mood, but I no longer use perfume to curb excessive spending.  I've flirted with other fragrances and I even perused Nordstrom this past week in hunt of a new "signature" scent.  I brought home samples of Hermes and Diptyque which I've worn over the last few days.  They smell lovely, heavenly even, but I'm not swayed.

So what scent will my children remember me by?  What can I say - the heart wants what it wants.  My guess is a mixture of coffee and Chanel.  Some things never change.

The 84,000 Books I've Read on Bed Rest

That might be a slight exaggeration.

I've only finished 7 books in the last 3 weeks, I've vetoed 3 books, and I have 4 books still in progress.  Pretty much the number of books I read all last year (which is sad for a serious book-lover like me).

Some of these are pure fluff.  Some of these are fluff I want to own (all these have been checked out from my local library since books aren't so functional as diapers).  Many of these are substantial, thought-provoking, must reads which I must own (diapers, what?).

Without further ado I give you...

The Style/Fashiony Fluff

Out of all of these, How To Look Hot in a Minivan was an impulse read and was, truthfully, not worth the time it took to read it.  Thankfully, since it was as mind-numbing engaging as a copy of US Weekly, the time commitment wasn't that great.  The highlight for me was the in-depth section on botox/plastic surgery/injections.  "Horrific" doesn't begin to touch the surface, but like any good train wreck, I just couldn't look away.  You've been warned.

On the opposite end of the still-fluffy spectrum was How To Look Expensive - which I so don't want to return to the library.  Definitely putting this one on my wish list.  Though the title sounds like it could be giving you pointers on something seedy, it's definitely a much classier read than How To Look Hot.  It's chock full of idea for hair, make-up, and your personal style with thorough lists of product suggestions at all price points.  Basically, if Vogue, In Style, and Allure had a baby in a timeless, hardback edition, this would be it.

Parisian Chic by Ines de la Fressange is another great read.  Although this one is 75% travel guide, 25% classic style book, it still did not disappoint.  Since traveling to France is on my bucket list, this is a must buy for me.  If you aren't as interested in things to see and do in Paris, then you might want to go the library route on this one.

Everyone Should Read

You Learn By Living by Eleanor Roosevelt is just as relevant today as it was when it was first published in 1960.  I have never read anything by Eleanor before, and I feel certain that I've been missing out!  I cannot express to you enough how much I loved this book.  Her words of wisdom are timeless and plainly written.  I think all 8th graders should be required to read it before leaving the zoo that is middle school for the zoo that is high school. And then they should read it again before graduating high school.  And probably again at age 25 and 30.  On my buy list for sure.

Books That Have Inspired Me

The Memoir Project is a short, quick read, but is full of wonderful advice for anyone aspiring to write anything, ever.  Marion Roach Smith's humor is infectious making this read anything but dry.  Instead of giving you cheesy writing prompts, she takes you by the hand and shows you how to just jump in and write.  And revise.  And then edit some more.  Ruthlessly.  I have a feeling I will be checking this one out from my library over and over and over....making it yet another book on my buy list.

I really didn't anticipate that I would learn anything from 168 Hours.  I mean, I know I'm a stay-home mom, but I really don't feel like I have extra time...ever.  I stand corrected.  168 Hours is another must read/must own.  The premise is that most of us schedule our time from day to day and fritter much of that time on frivolous things that don't bring us closer to our goals.  By taking a critical look at how we spend our time over the course of a week (or 168 hours) we can identify time sucks (hello iPhone and Facebook) and strive to be more intentional in the ways we choose to spend our most precious resource.  I am challenged and inspired by this concept, and it will be interesting to see how I'm able to put it into use in the upcoming weeks as I learn to juggle the demands of a newborn and a two year old.

I have read so many reviews for 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker.  And over and over I told myself that I didn't want to read this book.  Everyone who reads this book comes away challenged and changed and I was fine with my head in the sand.  And then my sweet cousin went and mentioned Jen Hatmaker in a blog post, and I realized I had to read this book.  If for no other reason, because I wanted to badly to ignore it.  My family lives a relatively simple life.  When I'm not having crazy preggo cravings, we support local restaurants, local farmers markets, buy organic from our grocery store, make our food mostly from scratch, grow veggies in our backyard, compost, are no strangers to thrifting and estate sale adventures, budget tightly, and give intentionally to organizations with causes we support.  And yet, reading this, I still felt challenged that I could do more.  In a good way, not in a "I don't do enough, I'm not perfect enough" way.  It's hard to explain.  So if you are one who wants to ignore this type of book, I completely get it.  But one day, if you're willing to give it a read, I think you'll find random nuggets of inspiration as well.

In Which Love Looks Like Hard Work

The irony is not lost on me.  That the love that begins effortlessly requires a great deal of time and investment to maintain.

What starts out as a couple of kids in love grows,

and grows,

and grows,

and grows,

and grows.

And while it all looks very fairy tale on paper, in real life it is hard work.  A lot of hard work.

Social media tends to show the good things...as well they should!  It's good to read things that inspire and encourage.  But the nitty gritty things are important too.  It's important to know that however perfect something might look in a picture, everything outside the frame can be in complete chaos.

And a picture captures a moment.  Nothing more, nothing less.

My nails might be done in my 33 week bump picture, but you need to know they didn't stay like that for long.  How could they?  We are working so hard at potty training a 2 year old and an 11 week old puppy simultaneously.  I am constantly on potty patrol and cleaning up mess after mess after mess is hard work.  

It is also what love looks like these days.  

And I have to tell you, I am beyond amazed when I think that my own parents worked so hard to do the very same thing for me.  Not just the potty training, but the discipline.  How to play nicely with others, how to listen and obey, how to face consequences in the event of disobedience.  All of it is hard, repetitive work.  All of it is done out of love.

How tired we are, the Hubster and I.  How drained and almost narcoleptic we are these days.  And we know we have more hard (and soon, sleepless) days ahead.

But these are good days, just the same.  It would be easy to ignore each other - to just put our heads down and work, work, work.  But to neglect the very relationship which has brought about all of THIS would be tragic.

Words that I will spend my entire life trying to live up to...

"Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."  - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (emphasis added)

And so it is, I believe, with our heavenly Father.  I think it is entirely fitting that the Church is called the Bride of Christ.  How easy it is to be passionate about our faith in the early days of our walk with Christ.  It's further down the road when we reach the ordinary, mundane days where we feel bogged down in minutiae and forget to spend time in prayer, reading His Word, and living out the faith we profess.

Please do not misinterpret this observation and think for a minute that I have this perfected.  I assure you I do not.

But I would be remiss if I didn't mention Christ and the grace he offers to all of us.  Because I believe it is that grace that teaches us how to extend grace to one another.  By receiving Christ's grace and forgiveness over and over and over, I can learn how to extend grace to those around me.  And often times it's hardest to extend that grace to those we love the most.  Often times we take our families for granted, forgetting how fleeting these moments are and how important it is to show them our love.

It is so hard - this intentional way of showing love to those around us.  I encourage you to stop by Love One More (where the focus is on intentionally loving one more person every day).  And please be sure to visit Edie at Life in Grace where so many of us are linking up with our thoughts on living with intention and with love.

31 Days to a Heart of Hospitality eBook {a giveaway!!}

I am thrilled to announce today the very first giveaway at Tids & Bits!

image via lifeingrace

Have you met Edie?  If you haven't you should.

There are people we come across in our lives that leave us changed.

People who inspire, people who teach, people who whisper quiet truths.

Sometimes they speak to us in lyrics and in ancient hymns.  Sometimes their voice comes through books we read, published long ago but still relevant today.

image via lifeingrace

And often times today, they speak to us from blogs, Twitter feeds, and Facebook accounts.  Maybe that is our modern form of the "great conversation".

Edie's blog Life in Grace is the very first blog I ever read "cover-to-cover".  She is one gifted lady, who shares generously and transparently the good days, the bad days, and the unspeakably bad days.  And through that sharing she has inspired many...least of all, me.

Needless to say I was extremely excited to learn that Edie wrote her very own ebook!  31 Days to a Heart of Hospitality is an expansion of the 31 day series she wrote in October 2012.  I couldn't wait to buy my copy and devoured it little by little last week.  It does not disappoint!

In Edie's own words...

Hospitality isn’t about inviting people into our perfect homes, it’s about inviting them into our imperfect hearts.

"It’s about learning to live from that vulnerable place where we open ourselves to love... This is hospitality, on purpose."

I could not agree more.

And now to the GIVEAWAY!  Edie is generously giving two of my readers their very own copy of her ebook.  The giveaway will be open starting today and will end Friday, February 11th at midnight.  I will use random.org to pick the winners.  To enter please leave a comment below telling me what the word "hospitality" means to you.  One comment = one entry, one entry per individual, please.  Annnnd, if you are impatient like me, you can purchase your own copy here and start reading now.

Happy Sunday, friends.  :)

Time & Management

First off, I have to say this is not something I have mastered.  At all.

Time management is a constant battle for me.  Some days I feel like I have conquered and slain the dragon clock.  Truthfully, most days I get to the end and sigh, wishing I felt more productive.

Sometimes I think the biggest dragon I have to slay is that of my own expectations.

Almost exactly two years ago I made the very difficult decision to resign from my position as a marketing manager at a local firm.  Before that point, my life was very organized, my days were scheduled out and packed full, and I worked hard at a fast pace each and every day.

When my son was born I felt completely lost - like a fish out of water.  All of a sudden my days were unplanned.  The basic plan was, of course, feed my child, change my child's diapers, cuddle my child, watch him sleep, lather, rinse, and repeat.  It sounded easy.  But after the first month or so I realized it wasn't quite that simple.  I would go in circles trying to finish just one task.  Easy things like applying mascara...I very clearly remember the day I left to do an errand and realized I had mascara on one eye and not the other.  My brain felt like it couldn't think in a straight line anymore, and even though I would line up the day's tasks, the constant interruption of someone else needing me left me chasing my own tail.

And I felt overwhelmed.  At first it didn't bother me if I didn't get to shower until 3 or 4 in the afternoon.  But a couple of months later it really started to wear on me.

I wish I could say that I then figured out the secret to staying home with my baby, getting everything done, and staying sane all at the same time.  The truth is it took a LOT of time for things to work out and it's still not a perfect system.

That said, here is what I have figured out so far...

You have to order your priorities, and then stick to your guns.

When I resigned, it wasn't so that I could read all the books I wanted, or sew, crochet, and knit to my heart's content.  Or even to repaint and redecorate my house.  Or to keep an immaculately clean house.  Or to blog.  Or to start my own business.

I resigned so that I could be the primary care-giver of my child.  So my number one job every day is to take care of him.  To invest in him.  To read him countless Thomas & Friends books no matter how tired of them I am.  To teach him how to count and recite the alphabet.  To cook 3 meals a day for him and give him snacks and sippy cups.  To teach him how to use a big boy potty.  And failing that, to change his undies, again.  To teach him not to hit and throw tantrums.  To help him learn how to slide and not throw sand.

It seems basic, but it took a while for me to realize this.  Of course, logically I knew I was staying home for him. I just didn't realize how much my attention and focus would need to shift to him in order to achieve my purpose.  And I didn't realize how much that would feel like I was giving up little things I wanted to do in my daily life.

Until I really thought about my priorities and what I was there to accomplish, it felt like I was getting interrupted every time I started a naptime project only to have him wake up.  But of course he woke up! He was only napping.  And he was the real reason I was home, not me and my books and crafts.  Once I realized that he was top priority, it was easier to put aside what I wanted and focus primarily on him.  I  wasn't thinking in circles anymore.  Basic things like showers got moved up the list a bit, but I realized I already was accomplishing what I was there to accomplish every day.  Anything else that got done became a bonus.

The thing is, to the outside world this doesn't look like much.  And that is hard.  Good friends would ask me "so what do you do all day?".  My answer?  A lot.  And a lot that is hard to measure by our culture's standards of productivity.  But it doesn't diminish the fact that it is a lot.

Regardless of your situation, mom or not, once you decide what is top priority, you need to make that your top priority and not waver.  It will come under the scrutiny of others, and you need to be okay with that.  This is your life, not theirs.  These are your priorities, not theirs.  At the end of the day you need to be satisfied with the work you've accomplished, not them.  If others insinuate that they could do more...more power to them!  But they don't live in your shoes.  Remember that.

Once you have your priorities ordered, plan your day accordingly.

Again, it may sound simple, but it is so easy to get distracted with peripheral things.  For me, this meant that I needed to focus on what my child needed daily first.  Basic things stayed the same (eat, sleep, poop, repeat), but as my child got older his needs became more varied.  He needed play time, could interact more, and eventually moved to one nap a day.  In each stage of his life, I have adjusted my expectations for everything else.  For instance, when he took a morning and an afternoon nap I had more time to read, crochet, and write - things that left me feeling refreshed and productive.  As soon as he stopped taking his morning nap I lost two hours I previously had counted as "me time".  But the knowledge that I really only had 2 hours at naptime and anything after bedtime to do things for myself allowed me to schedule things lightly.  Did it still bother me that it took a really, really long time to get any one project done?  Yes.  But my expectations were set more appropriately to my daily life and I learned to celebrate my accomplishments more and to not focus on the things which went undone.

Are you over-scheduling yourself?  Do you need to pare back your project list in one area of your life in order to better focus on your primary goals?  It's so easy to be distracted and to try to jump in and do everything at once.  But it is so much better to accomplish one or two things well than to start five or six projects and not complete anything.

Work your plan.

Once you have a schedule that allows for top priorities to take center stage, do not back down.  Carefully consider any requests for your time and do not add anything to your weekly life that will take away from that top priority.

I think this is the hardest part.  At least, I know it is for me.  I like to say yes to people and I'm a somewhat reformed people-pleaser.  For me, my weakness is church activities.  I like to be involved and help, but with a toddler and a newborn on the way, and with the Hubster's work schedule, it's not feasible for me to be super involved.  Truthfully, it is huge that we are able to attend one worship service every week.  Huge!  Growing up I was at the church every time the doors were open.  And even when they were closed, I was most likely doing something church related.  So for me and my family to only attend once a week feels a lot like failure.  And yet, I know it's not.  To constantly be saying "no" when I'm asked to come to activities that coincide with my child's bedtime feels like failure.  But it's not.  I am serving my family.  And right now, that is what I'm supposed to be doing.

Do you find yourself adding in extra activities when you should be saying "no"?  This is such a struggle for me!  I have to guard my family's schedule so carefully.  When I don't, it results in an overtired toddler, a stressed out daddy who's trying to pick up the slack for me, and a frazzled me...who once again bit off more than I could chew.

Give yourself space and grace.

But little mouse, you are not alone,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often awry,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!
-"To a Mouse, On Turning Up in Her Nest with the Plough" by Robert Burns, 1785 (Standard English Translation)

As I said at the beginning, this is not something I have mastered.  I am not perfect and (so sorry to point it out, but) neither are you.  Failure is inevitable at some point.  Falling short of our goals is inevitable at some point.  It's a fact of life.  This is one of those things that we all know, but at times it seems magnified.  Nothing in my life has magnified my short-comings and daily failures the way that being a stay-home mom has.  Even if I manage to do everything on my list, I struggle with doing everything on my list and doing it cheerfully.  Or with patience.  Often times, both.

I know what my daily "must-get-dones" are, and I try to add only one or two "extras" with a couple of "bonus tasks" thrown in just in case I'm able to get to them.

But there are always going to be the days when not. one. single. thing. gets. done.

On those days I encourage you (and myself!!) to slow down.  Take a deep breath.  Give yourself the space to think "what can get done?", the fortitude to do it, and the grace to accept that you've done what you could do.  And that is enough.

I'm linking up today with Edie @ Life In Grace.  If you have the chance, please click over to read lots more thoughts on using time intentionally.